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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

3 Simple Steps in Becoming a Modern-Age Dictator

Teodoro Nguema Obiang should be a role model for any aspiring dictators. Teodoro, son of Equatorial Guinea's president, is officially the agriculture and forestry minister of that country (one of the richest agriculture and forestry minister at that). Teodoro is also in the running to become the next president of Equatorial Guinea.

Step 1: Control Anything and Everything (...still remaining Democratic)

When you control everything, you are basically law. Teodoro, being the owner of Equatoguinean's radio and television, controls what people see and hear. It also doesn't hurt that your father is the president of that particular country. Add in a couple torture chambers for political prisoners and sham ballots, you will have a recipe for a majority government.

Step 2: Become friends with Big Oil

Everyone needs oil, right? Even the U.S. needs oil, so why not become friends with the Big Oils of the world. In 2010, Equatorial Guinea accounted for $4 billion in oil revenue. Some of the major players included ExxonMobil, Hess Corp, and Marathon (Click on the links to see all the "philanthropic" work these companies have been doing in Equatorial Guinea).

Step 3: Spread that Cheddar! No shame, no regrets.

Quick Checklist:
- Malibu Mansion? Properties around the World?
- $380 million Yacht?
- Endless Oil Reserves?
- Drugs? Playboy Bunnies? Tiger?
- Money Laundering? Off-shore Bank Account?
- American Lobbyist? PR Specialists?

But wait...something doesn't add up.

If the GDP per Capita in Equatorial Guinea is $31, 837 (almost on par with Belgium) why is 80% of its population still living in poverty and that 35% of its population doesn't live past the age of 40. Maybe it has something to do with the wealth dispersion of Equatorial Guinea. But I guess it shouldn't matter to an aspiring dictator like you.

No shame, no regrets, right? Hope this helps any aspiring dictators.

- GlassFrog Blogger Jackel

Additional Resources: Teodorin's World

"Note to the Obama Administration: If you think he was hard to manage as the Prince of Malibu, just wait until Teodorin becomes the King of Equatorial Guinea."

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